peripathetic

The post before this one was written just after it happened. This is written 'just after it happened' as well except more time has elapsed.

I don't want him back. In the sense that I know there is no sense, and quite frankly I just don't have it in me, to try and claw feelings out of another person which don't exist in the first place. But it's just so massively disappointing. I'm disappointed in him, for giving himself to me for so long online, and then letting it all be dashed so quickly and abruptly. But I'm also disappointed in me. I don't fall for people often, and the last time I had little enough wits about me to actually allow myself to fall for someone such a long distance away was ages and ages ago. I don't know. It was just him, and me, clicking over a distance. And now he's clicked in the same town with someone who he hopes is going to grow into his boyfriend.

Who knows, I might do the same. But I doubt it. I'm just left feeling like I'm really fucking stupid to have let this all happen in the first place. I don't hate men, and I'm not ruling out any amorous attraction with anyone else. No way. But if I start getting too involved with someone in future and it's by no means certain whether things will work out, for whatever reason, could someone please just tell me to go easy?

Right now, I need to be reassured that the world is a nice place. Again. Mood swings. Uncertainties. It's been an empty enough day to start off with. Apart from a conversation I had with Ed very early this morning, which was great. But since then... :o/