peripathetic

Alan has just found someone else. I thought I was getting over him, and getting happier about the whole thing, and relaxing into this new in-between stage. Except now there really aren't that many inbetweens to settle into. I don't know how to explain how I feel. I still love him. I still care about him. I still like him. And I think he's lovely, stupid, hasty, double-edged, impulsive, thrown me away, still holding my hand, treating me well and like shit at the same time, honest, wonderful - and too quick. I want him to see how stupid it is to be so hasty, in the way that it was with me. I want to know WHY. What did I do? What didn't I? I want it to work for him and whoever the guy is. And I don't. And I do. I don't know what I want. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

This'll probably only last for a few days. Really.

FUCK.