peripathetic

This is going to happen today. I swear.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy called Pete. He grew up into a slightly less little, and really rather (gorgeously) dashing, older boy, still called Pete. One day, Pete walked into a hospital and lay down on a bed and pretended to be sick so that medical students could practise their lack of skills on him.

Pete looked at the walls of the room. He sighed inwardly at the depressing atmosphere. "Oh, how can I enliven these dull hours?" thought Pete. He was a resourceful boy, so he decided to have a fantasy of what it might be like if the girl bending over him was really a boy.

A nice boy. A boy with nice eyes, like the gay-looking one standing over there. (Pete made eyes at him and he blushed. Later, he found out that he'd failed his exam because he was staring at Pete too much.) So anyway. Pete thought of a nice boy. With warm hands and nice forearms. "Hehe," Pete grinned to himself, "Here we go" and then the girl noticed the bulge in his shorts and fainted, and Pete burst out laughing, was paid extra money by the hospital for such fab entertainment - and everyone lived happily ever after.