peripathetic

Sunday night blues
I'm probably just getting tired and grouchy. But I just had this conversation online with a friend:

pete: I just want... it's not even the wage. I just feel rather worthless right now. I'm making no impact on... anything right now. It's like I don't exist. :oS And if I get a job that I sort of like even sometimes, I can feel like I'm doing something. You know? [whimper]
friend: awww, babe, well, I know you exist :) I know that doesn't mean much, but we can't always make much of an impression on life, just keep going and wait till we do. You can't let it get you down, if you do you'll go into a nasty psychological downward spiral
pete: But... OK, example. I had 2 people at my 'birthday party' last night. They were brilliant. It was great to have them there. One of those was there because he was visiting me anyway, and the other was there because he left for Edinburgh today and had to say goodbye. Neither of them were from my 'core' group of friends here. Those friends didn't turn up. And we'd planned to do things. If, as I find out later, they don't turn up because they didn't want to be in a crowded bar with people smoking and shouting etc. etc., what does that say about the impact I'm even making with my own friends?! I mean, if my personality can't make them want to overcome their lack of appetite for a bar on my birthday, I'm just drifting through life not making an impact on anyone, aren't I?