peripathetic

Pre-War Iraqi Presidential Meeting was bugged...
...and here are the results.

MUHAMMED SAEED AL-SAHAF (Information Minister): Mr President, what should I say to these stinking rats who gather with their notebooks and cameras at the ivory gates of our city, clamouring for a sign that our glorious 12-year victory over the bastard American infidels is over?
SADDAM HUSSEIN (President): Well, Muhammed, I'd be of the opinion that some rhetoric would go down a treat.
MSS: You mean I should make my words cause the livers of those ignorant bastards, crying outside our great bejewelled city, to fall out and be devoured by the fires of hell?
SH: Yeah, I think that should do it. Now, on to the next --
MSS: And what if they laugh, showing their rotting teeth, scourged by the ravages of western food, unavailed by the great wondrousness of Iraqi babyfood and toothpaste?
SH: Look, I really haven't got much time. I'd guess a bit of humour might come in handy. Get the journalists to laugh at them. Oh, and throw in some stuff like "I'm informing you" and "I can now report to you that the situation is different" - you know, power words like that.
MSS: And what of Ridley Scott, that infernal prattler of western fabricated scum? What of his film?
SH: Erm - yeah, throw a few film references in as well if you want, but I really have to be --
MSS: So saying something like "The midget Bush and that Rumsfield deserve only to be beaten with shoes by freedom loving people everywhere" and "We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked" and maybe even "We are in control. They are in a state of hysteria. Losers, they think that by killing civilians and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will not win, those bastards" would be okay?
SH:
MSS: Hello? Anyone there?
SH:
MSS: Oh shit, he's gone already. (To journalist:) I am informing you, this snake has gone to hide in his long grass, but the people will smoke him out of his bush, and chop him up. Snakes try to find refuge in many bushes, but this man, by God --
FEYADEEN: Oi! What the fuck do you think you're saying?! By God, you are very lucky that I am not already feasting on your gizzard. GET BACK TO YOUR OFFICE AND STAY THERE UNTIL YOUR ORDERS ARRIVE!
MSS: Oops. Sorry, sorry. Got a bit carried away.
JOURNALIST (smiling): War is hell.

Inspired by the excellent website We Love The Iraqi Information Minister dot com.